Dumbest Cruise Questions – Top Ten
Cruise directors hear some pretty ridiculous questions from passengers. We’ve spoken with many from across different cruise lines to find the DUMBEST cruise questions ever asked – below is a compilation.
#10 DUMBEST cruise question
What would happen if I flushed a ship toilet while still sitting on it?
#9 DUMBEST cruise question
Does the crew sleep on board?
#8 DUMBEST cruise question
Why is the microwave in my room not working?
[referring to the safe]
#7 DUMBEST cruise question
Why did I pay so much to have such an awful view of the parking lot?
[via phone call to reception… while still at the port]
#6 DUMBEST cruise question
I have an ‘Outside Cabin.’ Will I get wet if it rains?
#5 DUMBEST cruise question
Why are the ruins in such poor condition?
[after a tour of the ruins in Rome]
#4 DUMBEST cruise question
What do you do with the ice carvings after they melt?
#3 DUMBEST cruise question
Has this ship ever sunk?
#2 DUMBEST cruise question
How do I know which are mine?
[Referring to the pictures in the Photo Gallery]
#1 DUMBEST cruise question
How small does your face have to be to get a mini-facial at the salon?
Here’s a couple of extra beauties submitted by our great users!
BONUS #1:
What time does the Midnight buffet start?
BONUS #2:
This is our families first cruise ever… we have several cabins on different decks of the ship and our question is, do all of the decks go to the same ports of call???
BONUS #3:
Do these stairs go up or down?
BONUS #4:
There’s a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on my door. How do I get out?
BONUS #5:
Does the elevator go to the front of the ship?
If you like that, check out a contest we did a while ago. We asked users to submit their funniest cruise stories. Here you’ll find our Top Five Funniest Cruise Stories from our Ship Mate users.
What are some of the dumbest cruise questions you’ve ever heard? Leave them in the comment section below.
Click below to “share” these ridiculous questions so others can get a good laugh too!
Do these stairs go down too?
hopefully Jonathan… or it’s going to get pretty crowded on the lido deck!
Best one I ever heard was from a Ranger on an Alaskan cruise. Passenger raised hand when asked if there were any questions and wanted to know how far above sea level they were. He looked over the side and replied about 6 decks. Laughed until I cried over that one.
To answer what kind of water is in the toilet? Why are you going to drink it?
My thought exactly!
Two reasons I don’t care. Number 1… and Number 2.
The odd number decks are never permitted to leave the ship.
Haha – love it
I was on one sailing where they fed you alphabetically, it was very late when we ate every night.
I used to work for Carnival and we heard some doozies…one wanted to know if they had an “outside” (ocean view) cabin when it rained would they get wet?
WOW! Thanks for that, Julia. I may need to add that to the list. That’s hilarious!
On my cruise our cruise director told us about a conversation he had with a fellow cruiser. Guest: “Is the water in the pool sea water?” CD: “Yes” Guest: “That explains the waves.”
hahahaha – oh wow.
Wow…. People really ask these questions? I guess it takes all kinds to keep the world interesting.
ha! fortunately for us they do 🙂
I used to be in the Hotel Biz. I always said people leave their brains at home on vacation. I have been guilty of that but not to this extent!
Does this elevator go to the front of the ship?
How do I get out of my room? (Purser) do you have a door? (Passenger) yes there are two doors. One leads into the bathroom and the other has a do not disturb sign on it.
That’s funny!
That has to be one of the funniest I have read!!!! 😀
Do we all go to the same destinations? No sir, the suites go to St.Barths and Nevis, the cabins go to St. Martin and St. Thomas……………
haha!
This happened on our ship too
So funny..wow..after 22 cruises..hilarious to us!!!! 🙂
I am a travel professional and ahve been booking people on cruises for seven years. One of ym clients asked me one time, “What does the window in an interior room look out onto?
Hahaha – that’s hilarious, Kevin. Thanks for sharing.
To be fair, some of the larger ships have “interior rooms” with windows that look out to internal boulevards…
One of my favorites: Does the ship make it’s own electricity?
Ans: No. We have a really long extension cord.
Hahaha…
I hear that on just about every ship. Hmmm, how in the world do they think??
LMAO! Here’s your sign!
Here’s your sign! 😉
From the Carnival Website section of dumb questions; “Can I take a cruise to Las Vegas?”
Ha! That would be a bumpy ride.
8 yrs on board medical facility / lucky me….”When the Captain’s not on the Bridge who is driving this boat?”, ” I kept calling 911 but nobody would come!” – the guest actually dialed 911 ASHORE to complain about rough sea. ” , ” How long will it take? I’m having my dinner!” – while we do CPR on a guest who had heart attack in the Dinning Room. ….and many more.
Wow… umm… wow… thanks for being our ears on the ship, Maria!
OMG, and these people breed. Can’t we halt the cycle !
Worse…. these people might vote
When I was working for P&O/Princess Cruises a passenger once asked, “If the ship sinks can I have a non-smoking lifeboat?”
haha – i don’t smoke, but if i ever end up in a cruise lifeboat, i think i’ll need a cigarette
you’ve got that right, i’l probably want a few..
Never seen a lifeboat smoke yet lol
My all time favorite was, “what altitude are we at”
Ha!
“How small does your face have to be to get a mini-facial at the salon?” LMFAO tightass much?
Some of the best I heard: “Does this elevator go to the front of the ship” and when someone noticed nobody was climbing the rock wall the Cruise Director said “I’ll bet if we put a buffet on the top they’d climb up there like a shot”.
some really crazy people
Will this elevator take me to the front of the ship?
Which side of the ship will the water be on?
The side that’s floating!
i’m laughing so hard right now…I’m sorting…
I was in antartica With a ship. We have a trip ashore, and one of Our guest asked: Is it water all around this Island?
Does this elevator just go up? Which elevator would take me down to my cabin?
Passenger on a treadmil at our gym: “Oh…. This treadmill is put on some kind of automatic program, cos I can feel it raising and sinking all the time. How do I change the program so it stays still while Iam running”?
Me: ” Well madam…. we are sailing, it’s the sea….
passenger where do you get the electricity from for the ship ?
captain we plug in at the first port and hope the lead is long enough
how far above sea level will we be travelling ?
captain depends what deck your in
While being a stairway guide a gentleman walks past me wondering what his muster station was. I asked the gentleman if he was struggling, he looked at me and smiled and tried to walk away. I asked more clearly if he knows were his muster station is… he said no and told me his cabin number. I told him his muster station is on deck 10… i want to point out my position is on deck 7. The man stops, looks at me, stops making his way upstairs and starts walking down to deck 6 after i told him this information. I then informed him that deck 10 is upstairs and he looked genuinly shocked.
I have heard passengers ask what time the daily papers arrive when we have been at sea. They probably wanted the colour supplements as well!
I’ve heard most of these. We had a passenger who asked how she could take a photo of the ship leaving port?!?
Ha! Like, from port? Ummm… “sure, but are you ready to end your cruise for that photo?”
maybe she can buy a drone and get that pic, now it may get shot down but it never hurts to try lol
I have a couple that my grandpa’s wife asked me…..
#1: Is there a church on board?
#2: Is there a McDonalds on board, because grandpa like his ice cream and coffee?
#3: Is there a laundry mat on board?
#4: If I breathe through my snorkel under water, will I drown?
#5: Do we have to pay for the food?
awesome – thanks, Coco!
Our family held private worship services during our cruise in our cabins. We thought a chapel or some type of quiet meeting room would’ve been better…but I imagine it would be hard to administer the use of such a space. Later we learned that one of the show venues broadcast a religious service, but we weren’t interested in the main speaker so we were glad we worshiped privately. But I don’t think the question about the church is dumb…the health club I belong to has a chapel in it because spiritual health is part of health. The more I think of it, the more I think a shipboard sacred space would be a good idea if it were non-denomination.
Most ships have laundry facilities onboard. I know that Carnival has a chapel and a few others have worship services. In some cases, you do have to pay for food—for specialty dining and restaurants like Johnny Rockets on RCCL.
On one of the cruises I’ve been on I have heard somebody ask if the elevator went to the front of the ship, And I heard another one ask why there window did not open in there 2nd floor cabin.
They walk among us!
Being a travel agent, a client actually asked me, “What does the window in an interior cabin look out onto?
My favorite, What do they do with the ice sculptures after they melt?
On our cruise someone asked if the lifts went to the front of the ship !!!!!
So my silly question to the poor girl at p and o today wasnt that bad
Do many kids fall overboard???
Sailing somewhere in the China seas,a passanger asked the waiter , if the smoked salmon was fresh.?
The question about the ruins looking so bad reminds me of our shipmates who too a tour on Cozumel. She came back and said “They took us to the old ruins- then downtown to see the new ruins. Then we saw the hospital.” Her advice- and she was a cardiac nurse- “Don’t have a heart attack in Cozumel”
Passenger Can you tell me what time the front desk is open
Receptionist Its open 24 hours sir
Passenger I know that, but between what time
Receptionist mmmm from 00.00 to 23.59 sir every day
Pax: Do you crewpeople commute to work or something?
Me: Umm… Yes madam. Personally, I make the 8500+ Kilometer trip by bus every morning to get to work…
Not so much a cruise one but a true one. I work for a ferry company and one time making a booking I was asked “Can we have sex in the reclining seats?”. My reply was “Certainly not sir, I hardly know you”. I then had to explain they were in a public area and having sex was most definitely NOT appropriate!
HA! Great response, Lesley! Thanks for sharing!
In Tahiti a passenger asked “Is this the same moon we see in South Carolina?
In Monte Carlo:
“See this Prince Rainier? Is he the King around here?”
“If I go up to the casino by road how do I get back?”
Haha the most funny one I had to deal with was:
The first day on board: Where is my luggage? I have put it outside of my house yesterday night like you stated in the infomation folder but it is not in my room now.
Oops.. Refering to the cruise information flyer where is says that the last day of the cruise you need to put your luggage out of your cabin so the stewards can bring it on shore….
And this didn’t happen only once…. 🙂
Looking out of the window in the dining room: “Gee, the water is getting awfully close to the ship.”
they walk the earth!!!! they also shop Walmart!
The question about salt water in the toilet is not unreasonable to an older person when toilets were sea water and if you had three taps. Hot, cold and Potable back in the 1970s and before.
Yes I remember those days, my first Ship was RMS MEDIA in 1958, she had sea water in the toilets and a choice in the baths I was a hairdresser then.
I was a Shoppie on HAL, and passengers mostly Americans were always asking me ‘Why are you English?’ I always replied ‘ because I was born there!’ I knew what they meant but really! I have heard all of the sayings on here, but you know it is when people are taken out of there environment they are confused. I also worked on the cross Channel Ferries, and those passengers said equally stupid remarks!
That’s funny I had the same on both ferries and cruise ships
My fave. Gal beside me watching us go thru last lock on Panama canal to Pacific :- How do they separate the plain water from the salt to return it to the lake ? Can’t make this stuff up !
Ha! Amazing!
Actually bonus question #1 isn’t that stupid. We cruised with HAL in 1994 and the midnight buffet was at 11:00 pm. Made no sense.
Haha – fair.
I work at a hotel- not a cruise ship. I recently received a phone call from a representative of a well-known national travel agency who wanted to know if our hot tub was heated.
Many “hot tubs in the Dominican Republic and some areas in Mexico are not heated except by the sun.
I traveled with a friend, it was her first cruise, she balked at the price on the invoice when she saw ‘cruise fare and air’. I asked her why she was so upset, she said ‘If I have to pay extra for air conditioning, I’m not going! After we explained it was her airfare, she laughed. 15 years later and we still laugh over that one.
I was an entertainer on ships. By my accent it is quite obvious that I’m Australian and I was in the Caribbean however I was asked many times by pax if I bought my own grand piano on board! “Yes of course… As hand luggage!”
Was on an island at a port of call and a lady asked which way was the ocean. The whole bus started busting up laughing.
So good!
Those on deck cameras that allow you to watch what’s going on from the TV in your stateroom. A passenger asked “why does channel 10 always go black at 8pm every night”, maybe because the sun went down
Ha!
well i got a couple for you:
Guest: I was in Jamaica about 2 years ago would the beach still be in the same place?
Guest on panama sailing: We have a long wait for the locks could we not just go around them?
Guest: When i go home will the airport be the same?
Guest on River ship: Where do i find the bus for the wheelhouse tour?
Guest: So do we take our docking spots with us to all port`s?
Guest: Do you know the dessert of the day? me: no sorry i dont but i can ask the restaurant manager if you like? Guest: Oh we didn`t want to know we just wanted to ask you a question…..
I just spit out my coffee reading these. Thanks, cruisebuddy!
Best one I heard was.. Does the ship have cable tv or sat….director replied without missing a beat..it’s cable, we run a line alllll the way back to Miami!!!
Haha – I’ve heard the same but with generating electricity!
Haven’t seen a comment about what side of the ship has the best scenery at sea?
Upon getting question number 9 asked for the millionth time, a colleague told the lady the crew was picked up from the ship by helicopter and taken home every night. The next day she complained to the reception about the noice from the helicopters 🙂
The question about :has this ship ever sunk” is valid for the Norwegian ship that sails around the Hawaii Islands. It did sink while under construction – a big storm sent it down at the dock. Very interesting history of that hull if you look it up on Wikipedia.
How about those asking if the ship,leaves port every nite when it’s docked in Bermuda for 2 1/2 days? Or those who are told if you have a red ship card that you are required to be in your cabin by 10 pm.
I was asked, while booking clients on a cruise, if I would make sure their balcony cabin was above the water line.
Haha – oh man…
I have never been on a cruise and I am sure if I am ever lucky enough to be able to go on one, I probably will also ask some what will seem like dumb questions too. Think back all you experienced cruisers didn’t you have a lot of questions your first time out on the sea? My questions may not be quite as bad as the ones asked, but I am sure some of them may sound silly to you.
My favorite one was when a regular cruiser couple asked me:
“If your cabin is below A deck, which is under sea level, how do breath where you are sleeping? Does the ship provide you an oxygen mask each night, so you will not drown? Do they do to all crew members? Isn’t it to expensive?”
Lol
wow.
#3 “has this ship ever sunk?” Actually the Norwegian Pride of American has sunk. The day before the inauguration workers removed a side panel. Champagne went smash and the ship went down. Took awhile to refurbish everything. To this day I believe this ship is cursed.
Amazing, Marilyn! Maybe we’re the dumb ones 🙂
Just came back from a cruise last week. A friend (not traveling with us) of a friend who was traveling with us asked her if we sleep on the ship at night. He was totally serious. Seemed to think we got off the ship at each port, slept overnight in a hotel, then back on the ship to travel to the next port during the day.
A coworker also asked me if the cruise ship has air conditioning when I commented on how hot and humid it was in Mexico and Jamaica during our trip.
Haha – thanks for the laugh, Wendy!!
Aw …don’t be too hard on your grandpa’s wife particularly if it was her first cruise or first time with a new line.
I worked on cruise ships for 25 years.
ALL had either a dedicated chapel (Princess) or held non-denominational daily or Sunday service usually held in the movie theatre or main show lounge. (Radisson -later Regent 7Seas) Some had Jewish services and many gave a priest a free cruise to perform Catholic mass.
“Is there a McD’s?” is not so crazy a question ….many of bargain lines (which I didn’t work -for me OLDER is better as an audience) brought in concession food services in addition to their regular fare. We were horrified back in the day when we heard the rumour.
Is there a laundromat? meaning …can I wash my own stuff or do I need to budget and extra one or two hundred for ship’s drycleaning/laundry service? LoL …my question would be HOW MANY pax laundry are there and how close am I to one?
I seldom go in the water and don’t snorkel but logic says if you’re under water you can breath through the snorkel but it will be fun and games if you try it with the snorkel beneath the surface …..cheers xoxo 🙂
I like that Princess has laundries with ironing boards.